A very madness combat esque feel to this one. You've striken both my nostalgia and musical tastes in one blow, good sir.
A bit short, perhaps, but excellent material for sure.
Thank you! I've actually made songs about Madness before many times and participated in contests but funny enough this wasn't one of them. But does have that vibe haha. Thank you! Yeah it's short because it's just a 1 minute commission but I'd love to expand on it someday with vocals. :)
The secret to the modern existence is nobody is truly self-sufficient. Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on, a backboard to drop words to, and someone to ease their burdens when they aren't able to handle them themselves.
I'm one of those disorder guys, too, so I know how it goes.
I'm also a guy who really enjoys partaking in hobbies. I have for 9 years now, aged 22. I do some rocking code work, some okay writing, some really shit tier art. I found such hobbies amidst coming to terms with my disorders at about age 12 to 13 roughly.
Before then, I hated who I was. Partially, because I was a real diamond in the rough when I was young, but partially because I felt I lacked character and purpose. I had no accomplishments to call my own, and exchange I felt I inconvenienced people to keep me chugging along in my daily, mundane life.
But that's not true. After finding a hobby, I had work I loved doing and small, tangible products (including many unfinished ones I still enjoyed doing and people enjoyed the concept of) I enjoyed releasing. Having even just that one thing I can pat myself on the back on (which to be honest, is really, truly only coding) made a huge difference to my mood, because it's infinitely more than zero.
I'm still not self sufficient and things still aren't easy for me. But by now I take pride in myself as a person, and not by accomplishments, but because I'm still in the game. I've been handed shit cards in life for a game that's been very unrewarding, but on the whole I've kept my poker face and hung in as long as I could.
That's the funny thing, the thing that I thing is most iconic about a true fighter isn't their face or their scars, it's their spirit. The one thing you can't imitate. The one thing you can't fake. As strange as it is, just being in the game for this long is an accomplishment on its own, I have to acknowledge. If you had told me 9 years ago I've been through all the challenges I have, and come out in one piece on the other end? I'd have called bullshit. I'd have said that's just not something I was capable of... but here I am anyways.
Happiness is the greatest con of all time. Cake is delicious, but eating it doesn't truly fulfill happiness. It's that one moment where you chew what's in your mouth and enjoy it for what it is, but not have to say you'll enjoy it because it's cake and you went out of your way to reach the objective of eating it.
Likewise, if you have fun making music, listening to music, engaging with people on and off the subjects of your hobby(s), you are more fulfilled than most people in life, even if you don't see it like that. Chasing success or money isn't bad. It's a remotely tangible promise that things get better and good times are ahead... but they aren't a necessity. They're cake. You want that cake so bad, but maybe the cake's not truly as fun as it first seems, dare I say.
There are lots of people who don't know that there are hobbies they can have, crafts they can pour themselves into like molds of a person's soul, or that there are other things to fulfill one in life other than the capitalistic American dream. I pity the man who goes through life trying to achieve that moment of happiness in someone else's game plan, when he could have been taking holidays off to polish some replica ducks in his garage, if he did so choose.
If he loves collecting ducks, who's to say that that momentary happiness isn't as good as any other achieved kind of happiness? As long as you stopped and did something you enjoyed along the way, I'd say the trip of life was well worth it.
If it's a matter of security, the SS thing sounds like it's suiting. If you've tried to play the game to your ability, but you can't get places everyone else seems to go, don't sweat it. I've put myself through several laps of trying to do college classes, but the classes themselves are enough to break me clean in two on occasion. Maybe you just have limits. I know I do. Doing what is objectively best for yourself and matching to the situation at hand is never shameful. There's never shame in the truth.
Maybe even your Mom could feel more at ease not having to worried what would happen if she wasn't there to support you one day. I know I get thoughts like that in my life's setup, and it's an uneasy thought indeed I admit. I don't want to pry into that too much if it's a touchy subject or I'm overstepping my bounds, but that's my 2 cents on that bulletin point.
On the topic of feelings, I hate to be a pessimist by saying hesitancy is natural and maybe it's not good to chase it. Not to say one way or the other about "worthiness", but to give a piece of yourself away, to try and complete and be completed by someone else? That's something you can only truly be comfortable with when you've outgrown your wounds in life to be comfortable doing. Trying to input yourself into an equation when even you, your biggest backer ideally, doesn't support your odds of success may not end well, realistically.
Hell, a while back I WAS confident in myself and tried to hand my heart to one of the nicest people I knew in about the most balanced and kind way I could, and STILL had it stomped on violently by that person. Dare I say, I feel I would've been happier off doubting myself reasonably, than believing in myself baselessly.
Read the signals as best you can (I'm autistic, and I sniffed it out alright) with the person of interest. If you feel like they closely value time spent with you like you do with them, and they have gone above and beyond to be there for you, even when you weren't, I would say there's something there. If you keep some form of regular contact and have had fun with the person in the past few months, they would feel what they feel about you actively, whatever it may be.
Past that, if you really have the feelings? Fuck it. Go for it. Just put it out there reasonably and with a good perspective, not afraid to hang onto "only" being friends if it falls short. My problem was I took so long to sniff out my good lead that it was dead when I finally decided to show up. The person was too nice to tell me no, and I believed that legitimately meant "maybe", meaning I had a chance. I hung on so hard to the idea of being with someone it broke everything I was and believed in, broke my foundation of wanting something good for myself, and damn near left me for my dead in its wake.
If you tried, there's no regrets. Nothing to truly blame yourself long term. After all, wanting something better is the most fundamental aspect of every relationship. If it goes bad or it doesn't work out, just don't be afraid to walk away while you're still somewhat ahead.
The strongest blades are forged in the hardest fires, as I say. You can't be strong without challenges, and you can't achieve a good quality of self without discipline. I know what I'm hearing in this video, and it's the aspect of being your own critic put through the megaphone of anxiety and depression. I've been there, and I've known others who have been there. I have one last thing to say...
"I am amazing."
Did it work? I hope so. You took time to put your mind and soul out there for all to see today. It doesn't matter what you do or don't do or finish, because taking that step is already a leap of trust and honesty many people in this world aren't capable of. And THAT is amazing, coming from you.
Thanks man. That was a lot to process, but the fact you took the time to type all that means a lot. That helps. I'm writing a couple songs about the subject in two different ways, two different ways to look at it. I think what it mostly is, is I care a lot about who I am and what I do, I can't do things carelessly like a lot of people do. I like to know what I get myself into and what could possibly happen, but then I realize life is about taking risks.
I went to lunch at a Chinese restaurant with my parents today and got a fortune cookie that said, "Absence sharpens love, but presence strengthens it". It really spoke to me. Some people could see it as love is stronger with people who support you surrounding you, thats one way, but the way I saw it was learning to see my identity, my presence, which would strengthen my love for myself.
So it spoke to me in a different way. Thanks for everything, wise words you said here. I feel I'm getting to a better place, starting to at least. I've just wondered why I have these expectations, and I think its because i feel guilty for my parents having to support me with their old age and I don't want them to anymore, they've told me they can't much longer, and I've tried to find a job. Mom says disability would keep me poor but i disagree with that. I know plenty of people who do well with it.
As long as I can keep making music, and make a steady income, and have money to actually get to see my friends more, and keep doing what I do for Newgrounds, I think I'll be happy. I want to feel more relaxed so I'm trying to get in that mindset, instead of pushing myself, I feel like I haven't had a break. I've been constantly pushing myself, I gotta stop and slow down, and enjoy what I have. I gotta find that inner peace, inner happiness. I gotta look at myself in the perspective everyone else has. I think I'm starting to :) thanks.
The description is a bit blunt, but there's nothing wrong with a bit of blunt now and again, amiright?
In any case, not really your usual cup of tea, but not bad by any means either, though the 1:30 mark got a tad trippy.
4/5, 8/10 ~WCCC
Yea, that last bit sent me into a nightmare when I fell asleep to it.
Damn. Just dayum. Always rather enjoyed the original, and it was good, no doubt... but THIS. This is just a earth-shatteringly powerful piece, it meets every criteria I could really list for a piece like this, it packs punch, has great transition, awesome base beat, solid variety... so to you sir, damn. Just damn.
5/5, 10/10 (Can't seem to find the 7/5 or 14/10 buttons, but I hope this suffices.)
Sorry to hear about your troubles, man. This piece is pretty simple, but it definitely has a strong emotional tie associated with just its sound alone, and is a pretty great sounding bit. Would ask for more complexity perhaps, but it seems based on the description this isn't something you'd give two shits about playing perfectionist with or building upon and even then its simplicity is incredibly powerful in itself.
Good job, no doubt.
9/10, 5/5, ~WCCC
Thanks! yeah i was just venting my anger so it's more rage driven to vent it out, thats why it's not as long either. Thank you though :)
ACK MIND BLOWN! Always one of my favorite works by you, now in 8 bit that I am IMENSE fan of. Pretty damn speechless about this, now if you'll excuse me I have to clean the upper half of my skull off of walls...
Fairly good. Gotta say there's a pretty solid shift in vocal style here, the vocals now being more clear and a bit more prevalent in volume levels. I'm usually not a huge fan of vocals, so I'm probably a bit biased in saying that I prefer the non-vocalized variant of this song, and quite a lot, too! I'm sure you've been playing with volume levels for vocals already, with it previously being the same volume as the music and now being significantly louder; I feel the balance might need more tweaking in the future, but for now this is a pretty good product.
haha yeah we we're just chilling and playing with our stuff :)
this is the result of a '' Jam ''
Pretty great stuff, gotta say I'm enjoying your new sound. My only critique on this is that there is very little variety, as it seems to rely on mostly loops for 2 segment types, then alternates between them. I do think these are very nice sounding loops, on a side note, but more variety would add serious finesse to this. Keep dem wicked beats coming.
Very interesting, I know a lot of your more recent work has been gritty and rough, and you've done that well, but I've always been more into that more ampy-electronic type of taste, like Thirty-Six type of work. Good to see you play around, try to expand, hope to hear more in the future.
A nice touch up. Either its the contrast with the vocals or you might've slightly changed those drums, either way it isn't standing out as much as it was before to me. Haven't seen much of your work with vocals, but this is possibly the most clear, least scratchy version I've heard of them yet. Very nice.
Willing to call this guy near perfect.
5/5, 10/10, fav'd.
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